Now Boarding

Based on a fictional story.

We will begin boarding soon.

We will first welcome our Super Elite Diamond members,

Followed by our Golden Elite Ruby members,

Our Silver Elite Sapphire members

Followed by our Bronze Semi-Elite Visa Card Holders

And then our Tin Chalice members.

We will then board families with children under two, members of the military, Nobel Prize Winners and Survivor Winners.

We then will board our Super Special Semi-Special members,

Followed by C-list celebrities, then D-list celebrities.

Then we will board those in Group 1.

After that… if we must… we might let the rest of you jerks on the plane who didn’t pay us extra money to board early. If we have room.

I’m not making any promises though.




  1. For real, sounds like my American Airlines flights…

    I think I have some sort of rare earth mineral level of frequent flyer status, but ever since US Airways was absorbed, I have no clue.

    Oh, and don’t even think there’s gonna be room in that overhead either…

  2. Jeff Rodenberg

    Too…damn…funny! On the way back from Belize, my wife and I were able to upgrade to 1st class to DFW inexpensively – great flight! We overnighted in DFW, then had cattle class back to Detroit. I swear, every flippin’ businessman in Dallas was going to Detroit that AM., and easily 3/4 of that stinkin’ plane boarded under some sort of priority system, all glaring at each other with a sense of self-importance…desperate to stuff their over-sized carry-ons in an overhead. Having spent the most relaxing week in a paradise of solitude on a little caye about 15 miles of the coast, we a) about pissed ourselves laughing and b) saw firsthand the definition of “ugly American”

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